


Without Being

by To Be Seen (macchad00)



Category: Original Work, Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: 101 Shadows AU, Angst, Character Study, Gen, Logan Mentioned - Freeform, Logan is The Professor, Mild Angst, OC, Original Character - Freeform, Original Characters - Freeform, Patton Mentioned, Patton is The Doctor, labeled universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:49:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27218923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macchad00/pseuds/To%20Be%20Seen
Summary: Ieza once was a hero, she gave her life to keep people safe. If only she had truly given it, instead of being trapped in the world without truly living.Based around an original character in the Labeled 101 Shadows AU.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2
Collections: 101 Shadows AU





	Without Being

**Author's Note:**

> So basically an idea I had for an original character for the Labeled 101 Shadows AU  
> And really it’s just the character thinking a lot.  
> Speech in italics is basically just using a quiet/soft voice to remain unheard.

Ieza could no longer remember how long she had been stuck like this; nothing but the shadows that she manipulated to protect others. Keeping track of time was difficult when you didn’t quite exist. It had taken so long to figure out how to create herself as a physical manifestation of her shadows, manipulating the light and dark to create the truly human appearance she once had. It hurt, though, holding that form. Like an ache after too much exercise, and left her exhausted. Watching the children in The Warehouse reminded her just how much she missed that true physical contact, how much she desired to  _ be _ , not just… whatever it was that she was now. Ieza craved the warmth that came from that contact, desperate to feel more than just the odd sensation of pressure that came from contact now. 

Hidden as she always was, Ieza watched as the Doctor and Professor moved and interacted with the kids. The obvious chill in the room leaving some of the kids snuggled in blankets, either of the adults moving to check and make sure everyone was warm enough, Ieza knew she should leave, at least far enough away not to make the room that was chilly from winter even colder from her presence. Not even a full manifestation, simply a small shadow figure hidden where the light wouldn’t touch, but still enough to leach warmth from around her. Warmth she didn’t even feel.

Her thoughts were halted by the movement of one of the smaller children, a book gripped in their hands as they waddled awkwardly with the blanket around them. Once close to Ieza’s spot, the child plopped down, opening the book between where they were and where Ieza watched from.  _ Ah, _ she felt a smile as eyes watched her form with anticipation, a small finger pointing at the words on the page. She took a moment, her shadows drifting from the corner into the shadows cast by the child, before taking form just enough to see the pages but stay hidden from the two adults across the room.

“ _ Is this where we left off? _ ” the question was almost silent, a whisper only to the child who was all but vibrating with excitement. “ _ Pup would probably be better if a storyteller, though. You should ask her. _ ” Ieza suggested, as she always did, but she understood the want for a quiet story without drawing attention. She gave a short pause, being sure to watch for a response from the child before beginning to read when there was none.

The time passed quickly, Ieza coming to the end of one of the stories in the collection after what felt like minutes. The child pointed to the next page when she stopped, eyes hopeful as they burrowed into the blanket. “ _ Not tonight, you need to go warm up, _ ” and she was right, despite the heavy blanket the child was shivering. “ _ Maybe Pup will show you the next story? But go warm up for now, _ ” Ieza gave the child a soft nudge, waiting for them to close the book and move towards the others in the room. The Doctor was still there, though now had a mass of different mugs with steaming drinks that he was placing at the table where more of the kids were grouped.  _ Good, they need to keep warm… _ she would smile if she could as a shadow, melting away and slipping out of the room, out of The Warehouse, and onward.

Once in an isolated enough spot, away from everyone, she gathered the strength to piece together a physical form. Ieza puffed out a soft breath, watching the black fog dissipate into the air. Cold enough to see one's breath, yet she couldn’t truly feel it. Couldn’t feel the sting of the sharp and biting wind as it whipped past her, or the minor warmth from the sun shining down in the break of clouds. She pressed her hands to her cheeks, humming softly at the feeling of soft pressure, pushing away the pain in her chest that came as she felt no warmth, no chill. Far enough away to escape listening ears and watchful eyes, Ieza wrapped her arms around herself, looking up with wishful eyes. “I wonder what it would be like… to be held… to feel the warmth of another person,” she smiled to herself, hoping again to be able to remember that feeling. “I was thinking of asking for their help, finding a way to come back. I…” she bit her lip, thinking. “I want to go home. I want to be human, and feel the sun on my face and the ice of the wind. I want to not be trapped like this. But I’m still too scared to even show up around them. I can’t even bring myself to talk to anyone else, how pathetic. I’m just talking to myself again. I’m pathetic, insane, or both.” With a glance around her, she sat, and stretched to press as much of herself as she could against the ground in a desperate but futile attempt to feel the icy chill of the ground. “I don’t remember what living is like anymore. Isn’t that sad?” Ieza frowned, dark eyes gazing into the grey sky, as if hoping for an answer. “Yeah, that’s… that’s pretty sad.” Still nothing. With a sigh, she closed her eyes, feeling her manifestation starting to fall apart. And long after it had faded, and the sun had set, she stayed, drifting in space, watching as clouds drifted with her.


End file.
